so i was talking to my mom on the phone and she was tellin me how much cousin is now a lawyer, like she just graduated from law school at brown. that's pretty darn awesome!!! too bad instead of feeling happy for her, i feel like people are looking towards me to see what i'm going to do. well F-ers! they can just leave me alone. i hate the attention. i just want to do my own thing...
*sigh* i knew this might happen. but i'm just going to keep reminding myself why i'm going home and why i'm going to be doing what i'm doing. i keep talking about money but i really don't care about it - only insofar as it'll take me to different countries so i can be freee as a bird. anyway, my thinking my get a little incoherent here on out but alll the more funnnnnnnnn.
so why am i taking time off/going home to san diego? well im taking time off in the first place because i kinda slacked with applications and taking the mcat (because i went abroad at all the wrong times for apps but at the right times for awesome weather and a break!!!!). also, my grades kinda suck cuz i just started the biotrack and was kinda like, why waste time changing the major and trying to fit in both pre-med classes and whatever major i chose.. and i felt like if i chose an easier major then i'd be selling myself short..now i think i probably should have done humbio but im still not sure cuz i dunno if i woulda been able to study abroad two times!!!..yep, so there are those reasons for taking time off..OH YEAH and cuz school SUCKS ASS, well i lie. i sometimes enjoy school (when it's only classes and i dont have to wrry about being social or extracurriculars). ohh yeah, and another reason is cuz i want to live life in the real world for a little bit before getting back into school again. the world is very different as a high schol student versus a college graduate and im going to see for myself what an exciting world it can be and what a scary world it can be. *wink*
moving on..why san diego?..for one it's the best place on earff. awesome weather awesome people and my family - and as much as i love 'em i know im going to want to be spending less tiem at home after a few weeks. i think i just have a problem staying in any one place for a really long time. but yeah, my family and friends, and sometimes i think that a special person is there so umm yeah i dont like to think about it/talk about it but i think this is a big part, too. man, some peole in so cal are just so purty. also, in terms of an underprivileged community that i want to work with, what better place than san diego, a place where i grew up and that's right next to the border with lots of immigrants and ppl who really are disadvantaged. it's teh whole bringing it back to your community bit. so there's that reason...and now i have some connections with the american lung association and that medical-legal partnership (which is serioulsy something i've been wanting to work with since freshman year but never got around to and which could definitely change my career interests). on top of that, i have connections with the ucsd medical center, which i really haven't used but could take advnatage of if need be. i did an internship at the scripps research institute in high school, and moreee. so i got hookups if all else fails - the the TSRI hookup might be kinda awkward so i'm going to try and avoid that.
OHHHHHHHHH, one of hte major reasons why i decided not to apply to med schol this year is time. so yeah, i went to oxford in the winter, and that kinda made it difficult to study for mcats etc, not that i would have cuz it's pretty intense. but the major thing is my decision to go to papua new guinea. i was really hesitant to go because iwanted to take the time to work on my applications for med school and stuff. if i dotn do them now, it'll be 2 years AT LEAST until med school, which seems like a long time. but having started preparing for PNG, i've been really excited writing the lectures, and learning about hwo to perform different exams. it's been great learning so much, and it just feels so rewarding. i've spent sooo much more time this quarater on my lectures and PNG than any of my classes. also, i really want to put my skills into use which i defnitely will 3 full weeks of clinics (each day for like 8 or 9 hours straight) - i'll be able to practice exams, present patients, come up with diagnoses, do differential diagnoses (this is my hope anyway), prescribe medications. how awesome is that?! i really want to get good at it too so that if i end up going to med school i dont look like a complete idiot. i really dislike premeds cuz they're such dorks. they're like wannabe doctors, which annoys me like SOOO MUCH, ("oh you;re not feeling well? well, how long you've been feeling this way? can you describe the pain? what'd you eat beforeyou started feeling this way?") but honestly if you want to be a doctor i gues syou gotta act like one. there's got to be that retarded transition period --kinda like puberty..that awkward transition. hahaha, man those were good days. i remember when i would watch super hunched over so that no one could see my barely existent chest because it meant that i was growing up and i didnt want to grow up. lol, actually i think im still going thru puberty. *wink* hahah
anyway, i had to write that all out to remind myself of what i'm doing because i keep getting caught up in everyone else's craziness of what they're doing and finding a job and stuff.
i think for me, what's important to focus on is gettin ghte most out of PNG, then really cracking down and getting a good score on the MCAT. after that, hopefully, i should be in good shape. i really like my plan for what i'm doing after i graduate. it makes me happy. i've been talking a lot/whining a lot about how i shoulda got a job that paid good money, and that would have been awesome, but if it took away from seeing my family/helping people/volunteering, i dont know how happy that would have made me. i think i'm concerned about my parents though..like they'veinvested a lot in me. i know they want me to be happy and i hope thye realize that what i'm going to do is going to make me happy, but everytime it comes up i just get kinda upset cuz i feel like they like uhhh what are u doing with yourself? and its a perfectly fine question to ask but i feel like just keeping it to myself. lol. anyway, my thoughts really are getting all scattered because people are i-ming me...sooooooooooooooooo with that said...
-i have to make the most of PNG because it'll be my last trip for a while
-i have to do uber well on the MCAT cuz my grades are shit
-i have to contact the point people from those programs in san diego(bc it sounds now like my parents think working at the restaurant alone will be a waste of my stanford edu, i can see why they feel that way lol but i'll still help out)
-stop hanging out so much because i'm wasting so much money on gas...or crack down on ppl and have them pitch in but i'd feel kinda guilty doing that cuz i never have asked for gas
ummmmmmmm...and avoid certain people that have been pissing the SHIT out of me. you know how some people, like if they're annoying or like whatevers, just being AROUND them sets you off? it's like, they dont have to say anything but just being near them you wanna punch 'em. i sorta feel that way about someone, but i dont know why yet so i think i should try n avoid 'em but i dont thikn i'll be able to for a while so i'm gonna have to suck it up and act a FOOOL! :)
oh boy....
and SMILEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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